That is so true !!

A bumper sticker:

I used to be fucking stupid...til I divorced him!

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!".

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit".

The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina."

The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it."

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".

So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself.

He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.

The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted.

The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!"

LOLZ!

both winners, foxy!

A new neighbor…

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, ‘Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.’

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, ‘What would you say is my best feature?’

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, ‘It’s got to be your ears.’

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, ‘My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin – no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?’

Clearing his throat, he stammered …. ‘Outside, when you said you heard someone coming…. that was me..

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,

"Can I help you Sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out....

"Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO . This new boss is determinded to rid the company of all slackers . On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!!! The CEO walks up the guy and asks " how much money do you make a week ?" undaunted , the young fellow looks at him and replies " I make $ 200.00. a week " why ? The CEO hands the guy $200 in cash and screams " here's a weeks pay , now GET OUT and don't come back!!! feeling pretty good about his first firing , the CEO looks around around the room and asks " does anyoneone want to tell me what that slacker did here? with a sheepish grin. One of the other workers mutters- "Pizza delivery guy "

Your eighth post... Welcome to RMM...now read the rules. There already is a Joke thread right here!!

A friend of mine just started his own business, making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says business is booming, and prophets are going through the roof…

Daughter needs to borrow the family car
so she asks her Father and he says
you know what to do.

She gets down on her knees, unzips his pants
when she suddenly stops and says,

"Dad, there's shit all over your cock."

Somewhat embarrassed, the Father says,

"Oh, I forgot. Your brother borrowed the car."

thats nasty!

and as old as the joke about how to circumsize a red neck...
kick his sister in the jaw!

LMFAO............ i dont know wether to laugh or through up but both those are funny as hell!!!! lol

A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. A tiny little man walks past him, and starts playing the piano.
The man says to the bartender "holy shit that guy is tiny! he's like barely a foot tall! and he's playing the piano like an incredible composer! where'd you get him!"
the bartender says "This magical lamp here, it's supposed to bring you cool shit.
The man asks if it works, and the bartender says "you can try it for $5.00"
the man rubs the lamp, and a genie pops out.
*cough cough* What...
the man is baffled and looks at the genie and says "I wish I had a million bucks!"
the genie says.. "I'll get right on that"
A few minutes later, the bar doors fly open, and the windows shatter. The bar room, is then filled with a million ducks.
The man is furious and says to the bartender "What the fuck is this shit! I asked for a million bucks! NOT DUCKS!"
the bartender replies with "You think i asked for a 12 inch pianist?"