After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, ‘Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?’
The fairy godmother replied, ‘Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?’
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:
‘The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I’m living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.’
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
The fairy godmother replied, ‘It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?’
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, ‘I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.’
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: ‘You have one more wish; what shall it be?’
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, ‘I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.’
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said, ‘Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.’
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…
A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a Blonde in Economy Class gets up & moves to the First Class section and sits down
The Flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her
ticket.
She then tells the Blonde passenger that she will have to return to her Economy
seat.
The Blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that
there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and
won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid
for economy, she is only entitled to an Economy seat and she will have to return
to her original seat.
The Blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no
use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest
the Blonde who won't listen to reason.
'You say she's blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak
blonde!'
The pilot goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says,
'Oh I'm sorry – I had no idea', gets up and moves back to her seat in
Economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her
move without any fuss.
The pilot replied, 'I told her First Class isn't
going to Melbourne '.
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy Shit. That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running'
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy Shit. That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running'
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy Shit. That must be my husband!’
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’
The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running'
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, 'Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun.' The woman doctor agrees to it.
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, 'You're a surgeon, aren't you?'
'Yeah, how did you know?'
The man says, 'I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started.'
'Oh, that makes sense', says the woman. ' You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?'
'Yeah', says the man , a bit surprised. 'How did you know?'
The woman answers, 'Because I didn't feel a thing.'
One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, 'Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun.' The woman doctor agrees to it.
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, 'You're a surgeon, aren't you?'
'Yeah, how did you know?'
The man says, 'I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started.'
'Oh, that makes sense', says the woman. ' You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?'
'Yeah', says the man , a bit surprised. 'How did you know?'
The woman answers, 'Because I didn't feel a thing.'
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started…
----------------------------------
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
Ok here is one but I dont know if its been said already and if it has then I am sorry, just didnt feel like browsing through all the pages:
One Sunday, this guy is mowing his lawn when he noticed his cute blonde neighbour run out of the house check the mail shake her head, then run back in. Thinking nothing of it he keeps mowing, again she runs out and checks the mail gets aggrivated then runs back in. He stands and waits sure enough she runs back out checks the mail again, and runs back. This time he walks closer to the sidewalk and waits. When she comes out again he asks. "What's wrong its sunday?" the blonde turns to look at him and says "MY DAMN COMPUTER KEEPS SAYING "You've got mail" "
WOMAN’S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
A MAN’S POEM:
I pray for a deaf mute gymnastic nymphomaniac with big boobs who owns a bar on a golf course and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn’t rhyme and I don’t care.
WOMAN’S POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
A MAN’S POEM:
I pray for a deaf mute gymnastic nymphomaniac with big boobs who owns a bar on a golf course and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn’t rhyme and I don’t care.
omg, is that true???? lmao. seriously, that does sound like the perfect man to me.
Understanding Men....
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
The genie and the broken window
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf…Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, “I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.”
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, “Come on in.”
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke my window?”
“Uh…yeah, sir. We’re really sorry about that,” the husband replied.
“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you… You see, I’m a genie , and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself.”
“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”
“No problem,” said the genie. “You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!” “And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked.
“I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said.
“Consider it done,” the genie said. “And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!”
“And now,” the couple asked in unison, what’s your wish, genie?”
“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.”
The husband looked at his wife and said, “Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?”
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?”
“You know I love you sweetheart,” said the husband. I’d do the same for you!”
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”
“Why, we’re both 35,” she responded breathlessly.
“NO SHIT.” He said, “Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?”
As sportsmen, it is absolutely imperative that in all of the sports we engage, we,
without hesitation, play by the rules ...
We take care to understand the rules, we discuss the rules amongst ourselves, and we study the rules .....
As golfers, we are ruled by the rules ..
Lord knows there are all kinds of rules in that game ..
And as citizens,
we must follow the rule of law for so many things we do every day
But just in case
you have been pondering this, all your life, as to whom actually makes
the rules, please note the following:
...I do hope this clears it up....
Some where there is (or was) a pic of Hott with a similar t-shirt on....
Some where there is (or was) a pic of Hott with a similar t-shirt on.... 
It's so funny cause it's mostly true.