>and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
>parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
>his bathroom; he craps and urinates where he pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink decaf coffee, you like a high hard one in the poop chute.
>A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If
>you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different Types
>of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A
>real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
>Crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major league,
>NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse
>or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY
>type of Textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying
>to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk
>at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he
>Needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his
>beer, scratch his balls, or play with his broad in the passenger seat.
I'll go along with all but #2. I used to have a 25lb Maine Coon Cat (named Bart) and if you pissed him off, his claws could rip you a new asshole. The dogs in the neighborhood would go out of their way to avoid him. He wasn't mean or nasty, just big and didn't like to be fucked with. I remember one day I was doing something in the front yard and Bart was sitting out on the lawn enjoying the sun. This big dog comes strolling down the street and for some reason the two animals didn't see each other until the dog was right in front my cat. Bart jumped straight up in the air and came down on this dogs back with all four claws dug right in. That dog couldn't have been more startled if you'd have shoved a cattle prod up his ass. Bart looked like a rodeo rider as this dog tried to shake him off. Bart finally let go and that dog took off yelping and whimpering and I'm sure he learned his lesson about walking up to a big cat.
I'll go along with all but #2. I used to have a 25lb Maine Coon Cat (named Bart) and if you pissed him off, his claws could rip you a new asshole. The dogs in the neighborhood would go out of their way to avoid him. He wasn't mean or nasty, just big and didn't like to be fucked with. I remember one day I was doing something in the front yard and Bart was sitting out on the lawn enjoying the sun. This big dog comes strolling down the street and for some reason the two animals didn't see each other until the dog was right in front my cat. Bart jumped straight up in the air and came down on this dogs back with all four claws dug right in. That dog couldn't have been more startled if you'd have shoved a cattle prod up his ass. Bart looked like a rodeo rider as this dog tried to shake him off. Bart finally let go and that dog took off yelping and whimpering and I'm sure he learned his lesson about walking up to a big cat.
I'll go along with all but #2. I used to have a 25lb Maine Coon Cat (named Bart) and if you pissed him off, his claws could rip you a new asshole. The dogs in the neighborhood would go out of their way to avoid him. He wasn't mean or nasty, just big and didn't like to be fucked with. I remember one day I was doing something in the front yard and Bart was sitting out on the lawn enjoying the sun. This big dog comes strolling down the street and for some reason the two animals didn't see each other until the dog was right in front my cat. Bart jumped straight up in the air and came down on this dogs back with all four claws dug right in. That dog couldn't have been more startled if you'd have shoved a cattle prod up his ass. Bart looked like a rodeo rider as this dog tried to shake him off. Bart finally let go and that dog took off yelping and whimpering and I'm sure he learned his lesson about walking up to a big cat.
He wasn't an alley cat, he was just a big coon cat. Most people aren't familar with that breed but they are big and the are pretty much fearless. He could do some major damage if you pissed him off. Tweny-five pounds doesn't sound big, but when you add in the claws, that's something else. He could easily put his paws over the sink and the kitchen counter. I saw him jump over the sofa from the floor to the floor many times. Google "Maine Coon Cat" under the image icon and take a look at what these cats look like.
A guy is getting ready for a costume party but is having trouble deciding what to be. He goes to the party and the host opens the door. The host sees the guy standing there with no socks, shoes or a shirt. " What the hell are you supposed to be? " The host asks. The guy replies " Im a premature ejaculation, I just came in my jeans. "
I guess I should be adding more to this ....
A guy is getting ready for a costume party but is having trouble deciding what to be. He goes to the party and the host opens the door. The host sees the guy standing there with no socks, shoes or a shirt. " What the hell are you supposed to be? " The host asks. The guy replies " Im a premature ejaculation, I just came in my jeans. "
Not only do I like it, I'll actually remember it. That's the mark of a good joke.
I guy gets out of the shower , he has a raging hardon , he goes into his bedroom and asks his wife (you wanna have sex?) she says no I have a headache , he says thats okay I just rubbed my cock down with some powdered aspirin , you want it orally or anal ?????
They say 90% of people say "OH SHIT" just before going into the ditch while driving. The other 10% are rednecks that say "here hold my beer and watch this".
“ A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
”
And in Australia the top joke was as follows:
“ This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
”
“ A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
”
And in Australia the top joke was as follows:
“ This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
”
“ A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
”
And in Australia the top joke was as follows:
“ This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
”
An old man, hard of hearing, goes to a new doctor. He brings his wife along with him to help him in case he can't hear what the doctor says. The doctor comes in the room and says, "All right, sir, since you are a new patient, I'm going to need a stool sample, a urine sample and a semen sample"
The old man turns to his wife and says, "What'd he say?"
He wasn't an alley cat, he was just a big coon cat. Most people aren't familar with that breed but they are big and the are pretty much fearless. He could do some major damage if you pissed him off. Tweny-five pounds doesn't sound big, but when you add in the claws, that's something else. He could easily put his paws over the sink and the kitchen counter. I saw him jump over the sofa from the floor to the floor many times. Google "Maine Coon Cat" under the image icon and take a look at what these cats look like.
Waiting! 
....
