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Double D's

Member No.: 9341 Posts: 4,403 Joined: 07/2005

▫ Apr 21 2006, 15:41 Post #61

Did you hear about the flasher who was going to retire?

He decided to stick it out for another year.

Double D's

Member No.: 9341 Posts: 4,403 Joined: 07/2005

▫ Apr 21 2006, 16:24 Post #62

Two women are riding bikes to a friend's house when it starts to get dark. "I've never come this way before," says one of the women.
"Me neither," says the other woman. "It must be the cobblestones."

Why do brides wear white?
Because it's nice when the dishwasher matches the stove and refrigerator.

E Cup+

Member No.: 11695 Posts: 7,001 Joined: 11/2005

▫ Apr 21 2006, 19:28 Post #63

A blind guy walks into a bar and finds a stool at the bar.

"Hey, want to hear a really great blond joke?" He says when the bartender brings him his drink.

The place goes quiet, then the guy sitting on his left leans over and says in a low voice: "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. The guy sitting on your right is 6'2," weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to his right is 6'5" and pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. We're all blonds. Think about it, Pal. You really wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy thinks for a minute, then says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

D Cup

Member No.: 14069 Posts: 1,530 Joined: 03/2006

▫ Apr 24 2006, 18:59 Post #64

Cowboy and Cowgirl

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.

On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies.

Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"

"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".

She slides her hands further down and gasps. "Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.

"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.

Finally, the couple begin to make love.

After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".

Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey? Am I hurting you?"

"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them darn knots. I need more rope!"

D Cup

Member No.: 13587 Posts: 1,642 Joined: 02/2006

▫ Apr 24 2006, 19:00 Post #65

QUOTE(foxy lady)

Cowboy and Cowgirl

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.

On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies.

Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"

"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".

She slides her hands further down and gasps. "Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.

"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.

Finally, the couple begin to make love.

After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".

Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey? Am I hurting you?"

"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them darn knots. I need more rope!"

LMFAO

E Cup+

Member No.: 11695 Posts: 7,001 Joined: 11/2005

▫ Apr 24 2006, 19:07 Post #66

QUOTE(foxy lady)

Cowboy and Cowgirl

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.

On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies.

Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"

"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".

She slides her hands further down and gasps. "Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.

"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.

Finally, the couple begin to make love.

After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".

Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey? Am I hurting you?"

"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them darn knots. I need more rope!"

DOes that really work???

D Cup

Member No.: 13587 Posts: 1,642 Joined: 02/2006

▫ Apr 26 2006, 18:25 Post #67

QUOTE(Bobaloo)

DOes that really work???

Why are you having trouble untying your knots? :nahnah:

:nahnah:

D Cup

Member No.: 13587 Posts: 1,642 Joined: 02/2006

▫ Apr 26 2006, 18:26 Post #68

Go to WifemeetsGirlfriend.wmv. Very funny!!!! This guy also does a song called dear Penis.

D Cup

Member No.: 14069 Posts: 1,530 Joined: 03/2006

▫ Apr 27 2006, 00:10 Post #69

There is something unusual about these words, see if you can figure it out. The answer is below...but don't peek until you've given it a good shot!

Assess

Banana

Dresser

Grammar

Potato

Revive

Uneven

Voodoo

OK, see if you can figure out what these words have in common........

Are you peeking or have you already given up?

Answer:

In all of the listed words, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out?

E Cup+

Member No.: 11695 Posts: 7,001 Joined: 11/2005

▫ Apr 27 2006, 13:42 Post #70

Here was my joke of the day:

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.
The redneck guessed 8 , and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time.
The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."

D Cup

Member No.: 14069 Posts: 1,530 Joined: 03/2006

▫ Apr 27 2006, 20:39 Post #71

D Cup

Member No.: 14069 Posts: 1,530 Joined: 03/2006

▫ May 1 2006, 04:33 Post #72

American Beer
This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.

"Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.

The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.

Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused.

"Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness.

That makes things grow."

Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.

He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.

"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor.

"Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!" :drinkup:

:drinkup:

A Cup

Member No.: 12308 Posts: 20 Joined: 12/2005

▫ May 3 2006, 14:54 Post #73

Three boys eating lunch at school. The first boy says, my dad is really something, he can eat a whole pizza by himself. The second boy says, so my dad can eat 2 pizzas by himself. The third boy says thats nothing. My dad can eat a window shade! The other two boys confused said how do you know he can eat a window shade? The third boy said, I went to the bathroom the other night, walked past mom and dads bedroom, and heard dad tell mom Pull down that window shade honey, I'm gonna eat that thing!

D Cup

Member No.: 14069 Posts: 1,530 Joined: 03/2006

▫ May 3 2006, 15:17 Post #74

QUOTE(big_b)

Three boys eating lunch at school. The first boy says, my dad is really something, he can eat a whole pizza by himself. The second boy says, so my dad can eat 2 pizzas by himself. The third boy says thats nothing. My dad can eat a window shade! The other two boys confused said how do you know he can eat a window shade? The third boy said, I went to the bathroom the other night, walked past mom and dads bedroom, and heard dad tell mom Pull down that window shade honey, I'm gonna eat that thing!

I would've just left the shade open

E Cup+

Member No.: 11695 Posts: 7,001 Joined: 11/2005

▫ May 3 2006, 15:50 Post #75

Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
Yeah, it comes with all of Ken's stuff.

D Cup

Member No.: 14069 Posts: 1,530 Joined: 03/2006

▫ May 3 2006, 15:54 Post #76

QUOTE(Bobaloo)

Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
Yeah, it comes with all of Ken's stuff.

Melon Master

Member No.: 11658 Posts: 21,459 Joined: 11/2005

▫ May 4 2006, 12:13 Post #77

QUOTE(Bobaloo)

Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
Yeah, it comes with all of Ken's stuff.

But Barbie wasn't even married to Ken... :huh:

:huh:

just shacking up together...

E Cup+

Member No.: 11695 Posts: 7,001 Joined: 11/2005

▫ May 4 2006, 15:51 Post #78

QUOTE(evade20)

But Barbie wasn't even married to Ken... :huh:

:huh:

just shacking up together...

Yeah, that Barbie sure got around. i know she let me undress her pretty much whenever I wanted

D Cup

Member No.: 13587 Posts: 1,642 Joined: 02/2006

▫ May 4 2006, 19:43 Post #79

QUOTE(evade20)

But Barbie wasn't even married to Ken... :huh:

:huh:

just shacking up together...

Yeah she did him while he got her friend Midge pregnant with twins. (Anyone else have that doll growing up?)

D Cup

Member No.: 13587 Posts: 1,642 Joined: 02/2006

▫ May 4 2006, 19:54 Post #80

A blond was driving in the country admiring the scenery when she came upon a flock of sheep. She'd always liked sheep so she stopped to pet them. She noticed the farmer on top of the hill and called him over. She asked him if she guessed the exact number of sheep in his flock, if she could have one. Well thinking she had no chance in hell he agreed. "438" she said.
"Yuor right" said the farmer who was surprised to say the least. She went over the fence to pick her sheep and then headed towards her car. Before leaving she turned to the farmer and asked if he wanted to know how she'd guessed correctly.
"No", said the farmer. "But I'd like my dog back."

One more blond joke.

A blond was driving down the road when she started having car trouble. She pulled into a mechanics shop to get it fixed. it took no time at all befor ethe mechanic came out and told her it was done.

"What was wrong with it?" she asked.
"Shit in the carburator" he said.
"How often do I have to do that?" she said.

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