DINNER CONVERSATION GONE WRONG...
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?"
HUSBAND: "I guess so."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: "Shit."
1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in
bed with you.
2. Set timer for 2 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.
6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the
bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.
Morning sex???????
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he
turned over to his wife's side of the bed.
His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and
she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the
kitchen.Afraid that he might spoil things by getting
up, John called his little boy into the room and asked
him to take this note to your beautiful Mommy."
The note read:
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked
her son to take this to Daddy.
Her note read:
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.
John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.
Then, he asked his son to take it back to "the lady in
the kitchen."
His note read:
The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.
Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to" take this to the poor dude upstairs."
Her note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
Do It By Hand !
Dinner conversation went bad is hysterical, be a lot funnier if someone could reassure me that it actually never happened, almost sounds like something one of my friends would do
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down, and his fly wide open. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open."
He zipped up and finished his shopping, and remembering what the cashier had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door."
He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?" The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
A woman was in her physician's office when she suddenly asked him to kiss her. Once more he refused, explaning that as a doctor he simply could not. After another fifteen minutes passed, the woman begged him again. "Look I'm sorry, I just can't kiss you, In fact," he sighed, "I probably shouldn't even be fucking you."
I did not know if anyone would like them
