To: Hott 1976
From: Levi Strauss & Co.
RE: Broken zippers and buttons
Dear Ms Hott,
It has come to our attention that several hundred pairs of Levi jeans sold in the Fredricksburg, VA area have been returned for repair. All these jeans had broken zippers or the buttons on the fly had popped off. After several months of exhaustive research, we've narrowed the problem done to one possibility-you. All these jeans endured normal wear and tear until the wearer encountered you somewhere out in public. While we strive for the highest quality, these zippers and buttons failed time after time.As you can imagine, this is getting quite expensive for us to deal with. Hence, we have set forth the following guidelines for you to follow to help us fix this costly problem:
1) When bending over in the supermarket aisle or laundrymat, please limit the amount of wiggle and try to keep the duration under five seconds.
2) No eating eclairs or bananas within sight of any male over 16.
3) When licking an ice cream cone for the first time, no swirling your tongue over the top and moaning Mmmmmm.
4) When wearing a skirt or dress, bras are optional but panties or thongs are a must.
We hope you recognize the seriousness of our concerns and will help reduce the number of Levis being returned for repair. If these guidelines don't fix the problem, we will have to start installing a more heavy duty zipper on our Virginia bound jeans. We hope it won't come to that. Thank-you for your cooperation.
that's hysterical... part of me hopes you stole that from somewhere else, otherwise it's a ton of effort... but really funny nonetheless (and i'm sure she'll appreciate the effort, lucky bastard, lol)
